breastfeeding

It's 1 am. Your 3 week old baby is sleeping (thank god) but you wake up to find your shirt and bra completely soaked thru. Literally laying in what seems like a puddle of your own milk. Change bra. Change shirt. Put towel down. Go back to sleep. 30 minutes later your baby wakes up hungry. Did you fall back asleep? You're not even sure. You go pick up your baby and you've missed them while they were sleeping even though it's only been two hours. Change their diaper, Begin to nurse them. Your nipples are cracked, bleeding, sore, and the sharp shooting pain that begins with every nursing session feels like it's never going to end. Tears roll down your cheeks as your bite your lip to keep from yelling out in pain because that would definitely startle the baby. After a few minutes your nipples go numb and it's bearable again. You think to yourself..."will this pain ever go away? will my nipples ever heal from this? how long is this going to last?" You look down and see your sweet cuddly baby so comforted and soothed by it and you think "it's worth it." You finish feeding and try to get a burp out of them before putting them back down to sleep, you don't want them to wake up because of gas in 3o minutes. Finally you hear a little tiny one escape and you're so relieved. You put your baby down so carefully and quietly like you're afraid you're going to set a bomb off. You creep back to your bed hoping you don't hear a cry emerge in the next 15 seconds. Ahhhhh the bed. You lay down close your eyes...and 2 hours later it starts all over again. Did you fall back asleep? You're not even sure.

Breastfeeding is an incredible bond between mother and baby. It's honestly one that I don't think you can really comprehend until you experience it yourself. It's not for everyone and that's OK. I am not here to shame anyone who chooses not to breastfeed or can't breastfeed for any reason. I think overall moms need to be more supportive of one another and less critical and judgmental. Every baby is different and so is every mother! I'm just here to share my experience with you guys. My personal journey with breastfeeding, in the hopes that I will shed some light on this deeply personal subject for a lot of women. This is something that is not talked about nearly enough and honestly I had no clue what it was going to be like. I had no idea just how much hard work and dedication it would take to exclusively breastfeed. I even took a breastfeeding class that was offered at the hospital where I gave birth and to be honest it was not very enlightening.

When Scarlett was born, within the first hour I breastfed her. The lactation consultants really encourage you to do it as soon as possible. I will never ever forget the first time I breastfed her and how incredible it was. Scarlett latched on immediately. I feel very fortunate she had a great latch and never seemed to have an issue with knowing what to do. Some babies have trouble with this part so it was a relief when she took to it so well. In the first few days you only have colostrum, which they call "liquid gold" because it contains so many amazing antibodies for your baby in those first few days when they are exposed to a world full of germs. Nursing sessions are extremely long-like an hour- because it takes a lot of time for your baby to get the colostrum out. They are also really new to breastfeeding so it takes time for them to get the hang of it. So as you can imagine, nursing every two hours (from when you started) pretty much feels like your nursing every single hour. The sore nipples basically begin right away because you're literally nursing all day every day.

This is when it's the toughest. In the beginning. This is the stage that really really really test you. Nursing every 2 hours and keeping up with your babies nutritional demands is extremely difficult. You hear "every 2 hours" and it sounds fine and dandy but when your actually living it, it's a whole other thing. You have to eat like a horse to keep your supply up. Literally eat, eat, eat, eat. There really isn't time to eat but somehow you have to do it. I ate so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches over Scarletts head while she was nursing because well, I had to. I ate when she ate.

I breastfed Scarlett for 13 months and I say that with SO MUCH PRIDE. I am damn proud of myself for this accomplishment. I finished the marathon and then said what the hell? Let's go one more mile. Yes, I am tooting my own horn because honestly, unless you're a mom that has experienced breastfeeding you have no idea what an accomplishment that is. In mom world, it's something to be really really freaking proud of.

I had to pump every single night for 9 of those months before I went to sleep, once I stopped feeding her in the middle of the night. I would wake up so engorged and in pain if I didn't. I had a stash of milk so big we had to get an extra freezer for the garage.

I did the math and my body produced over 14,000 ounces of milk. I ate, breathed, and slept breastfeeding for 13 months. It was my life, honestly, it really was. My mind was consumed with, "When did I last feed?" "How long until her next feeding?" "If we leave now, I can get home before she needs to eat again and feed her at home." "If I have a glass of wine now and finish it by 6:15 I'll be okay for her next feeding in 3 hours." Trying to find the nursing mothers room everywhere I went and if there wasn't one going back out to my car to nurse. It's tough, It's a lot of sacrificing. But if you ask me, WORTH IT. Knowing that every roll on her cute chubby body was because of me. I did that. I provided her with her nutritional needs in my belly for 9 months, and for 13 months outside. I wouldn't trade it for the world and If I could go back I would do it all again.

Weaning was super emotional for me. I was excited to have my body to myself again for the first time in two years BUT I was super sad too. It was bittersweet to say goodbye to this chapter between Scarlett and I. But she was ready, she basically weaned herself! And I was excited because for two years I had been so careful with everything I had put into or onto my body, because it could go to my child. I was so ready to not have to think about that anymore. Not to have to worry about wanting a second cup of coffee and the amount of caffeine I drank, or if the lotion I used was "clean" and not filled with potentially harmful chemicals for infants. Not that I want to put harmful chemicals on my body either haha BUT not having to stress about every little product or face mask or even shampoo was a relief. I am worrier so maybe not everyone stressed over every little thing like that but for me it was very exhausting mentally to stress about those little things constantly.

One thing women will tell you before you have your baby is "Oh just breastfeed, the weight will fall right off" HAHAHAHAHA NOT FOR EVERYONE! I have talked about this in instagram post and I will discuss this more in a "Body after Baby" post coming soon but It was the opposite for me. My body actually held onto the fat I gained during pregnancy to ensure it could produce milk. I have a petite body frame and I read that some women have to be a certain BMI to produce milk, that was definitely the case for me. I held on to 25 extra pounds until I stopped breastfeeding. So that was a sacrifice in itself because I had to sacrifice my body looking and feeling the way I wanted it to in order to continue breastfeeding. Let's just say I learned a lot about self love (at any size) in those 13 months.

I think breastfeeding can make you feel so strong and empowered because you get to witness your body doing this really really incredible thing. But it's not all butterflies and rainbows. Blood, sweat and tears are poured into it and whether you do it for 2 months or 2 years you should pat yourself on the back. Any ounce of breastmilk you give your baby is giving them an unbelievable gift.

Recently I was in an airport bathroom and there was a mother in there manually pumping to get some relief while traveling. When I saw her I couldn't help but talk to her, I just instantly felt a connection to this stranger in the airport bathroom simply because she was pumping. Like, girl I get you. I gave her some words of encouragement because she seemed like she needed it. I thought to myself, man I am so glad those days are over for me. While breastfeeding is a beautiful and natural thing it also can feel very very restraining. It bogs you down in ways you never knew it would. The moments of bathroom manually pumping or feeding your baby in the backseat of the car in almost every parking lot in your town or leaning over their carseat while your husband drives so they will stop screaming or massaging a clogged milk duct or trying every balm and ointment to heal your very broken nipples. Nursing in the dressing room while out shopping because you lost track of time. Those are the moments we don't talk about that are really really humbling to say the least.

So I will leave you with this, you and only you can decide what's best for YOU and your baby. Whether you breastfeed or not is totally and completely up to you. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing it or make you feel obligated to do it. But if you do it, know that there are thousands and thousands of women out there struggling just like you are and I was one of them. Just because I did it for 13 months doesn't mean I didn't struggle. You don't have to pretend like everything is perfect and like it's not hard. Because it is. And if you see a mom in the airport bathroom pumping or nursing, give her a pat on the back or tell her she can do it. You never know how much that may help her. The women in my life really helped me keep going and gave me motivation when I felt like I couldn't keep going. So if you're out there and you're still breastfeeding, maybe you're having a tough day or a tough month. But believe in yourself and trust yourself. Know you can do it and that women all over the world are cheering you on, I am one of them!

Breastfeeding Facts and Tips:

Breastmilk goes through a babies system much faster than formula. Breastfed babies have to eat more often.

Get lactation bars or cookies before baby is born and put them in your hospital bag. Eat them while in the hospital, it will help your milk come in faster!

Get on a feeding schedule, do times instead of hours....7am, 9am, 11am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 7pm etc BUT be flexible! It's not the end of the world if you're 30 minutes behind!

Look at pictures of your baby while pumping, it will help you let down faster!

Start your next feeding on the breast you finished with last feeding. Put a hair tie on your wrist and switch it to whatever wrist you finished on to help you remember.

Remember your hind milk (milk that comes out later in the feeding) has the most fat in it and will keep your baby full longer, that's why switching breast is so important. You want to be sure you're draining them completely so your baby is getting the most fat and will stay full.

Store your frozen breastmilk in the back or deepest part of the freezer. It last up to 6 months that way.

Also rotate your oldest milk to the front of your stash. Use the older milk first.

Try different feeding positions in the beginning, sometimes it can really help them get a better latch which is much better for you in the end.

Breastfeeding DOES hurt...but after the first few minutes of the feeding it should subside. IF not, your baby does not have a good latch. Pull them off and start again.

When your baby is sick your milk will sometimes look grey or green and that is a GOOD thing, it just means your body is doing what it's supposed to. Your milk has extra antibodies in it when your baby gets sick to help them get better.

Xo- Sarah