Enough

Just going to jump right in with this and say that this is the first time in MONTHS I have been inspired to come on here and talk or share about anything. To be completely honest with you, personally, I've been struggling a lot mentally and emotionally this year. I have been really hard on myself lately and have been putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to be what I think is "successful" in the blogging world. I got really down and lost all momentum with this blog and my social media because my page wasn't growing like I thought it would. I felt like people didn't "like" me or what I shared so it made me question and second guess every single thing I posted. That made me feel like I wasn't being genuine and myself because I was letting what other people might think of me dictate what I posted or shared on here. Staying true to myself and being genuine is extremely important to me. Online and in life. Not feeling like myself is honestly one of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around. I really struggle when I don't feel like myself.

I realized I was feeling this way because we are living in a social world that generates a comparison mindset. Immediately when I see someone share something, I internally think (whether I realize it or not) wow should I do that? or have that? or see that? or be that? or go there? The hundreds of accounts and blogs I follow all were making me feel like I wasn't enough-because of HOW I REACT TO SEEING IT not because of what they were sharing. I was in constant comparison mode. I wasn't enough, not pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, popular enough, stylish enough, thin enough, travelled enough, successful enough, cool enough, christian enough, cultured enough, knowledgeable enough, perfect enough, witty enough, fit enough, "followed" enough. The list goes on and on and on and on and on. So I just got really sad. Sad and angry because I simply didn't feel like enough. And it made me not want to share or post anything because I would think to myself "no one really cares about what I have to say or share" My internal dialog with myself was so negative and toxic. No one was bullying me or beating me up, I was doing it all on my own. I was my own worst critic. I am admittedly a perfectionist, and usually at the cost of my own mental health. I always think if I don't look perfect it's not good enough to share because what if people judge me? Moral of the story, I need to get out of my own head. Being liked really matters to me, I know some people might roll their eyes at that...so sue me. I like being liked. But with that comes being a people pleaser and that my friends, can be a terrible trait to have in life. I want to please everyone, and online that is IMPOSSIBLE. That kind of mindset led me to believe I’m not good enough. Not everyone is going to like me. I can’t please everyone. AND THAT IS OKAY!

All that to say, I am fighting (myself) hard to see the value in what I have to share and to feel like people want to see it. Teaching myself that I don't have to look perfect or be perfect to share, because who relates to perfection? NOT ME. The state of the world has made me really over analyze what I‘m putting out there and if it's what the world needs. I have had a few conversations lately with other bloggers and friends that are feeling very similarly to me. While that makes me sad it's also a bit comforting knowing I'm not alone in my feelings. So if you're reading this, and you haven't been feeling like you're enough lately...YOU ARE! You are SO ENOUGH. Just the way you are. In all your glouriousness. You’re YOU and the best thing you can offer the world is being yourself because there's only ONE of you.

I hope to get back to posting more on here soon because I really do love talking and sharing with you guys. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to hear what I have to say. Whether there's 40 of you or 40,ooo it means the world to me to have you here caring about what I have to say. THANK YOU for liking me just the way I am.

XO

Sarah